Mar 28, 2012

Some crazy STUFF : Finding Reasons

During my college, I use to sometime write some crazy stuff out of no where. I guess I really wanted to tell a story like no one else and bring that level of experience. After many years, today I seem to have understood this art better. One of my friend use to tell me that being an artist its a life long passion to understand what works and what doesn't. Keep pursuing it.

For this reason, I had started writing vigorously. These days I am bit down on my writing, but I am exploring it in much deeper sense than before. My diaries were filled with thoughts and only thoughts. Sometime, I would just start writing on my computer and leave it no where. You know, simply write and keep writing. As a result, I did complete one novel :) which related to an experience shared with my friends during one hiking, but I tried to make it mysterious and mythological. Well some day I might share that too :) But for now, I am just posting one very long, almost half baked story which I think wrote almost 4 years back. Enjoy but don't sleep :D
Far way from the hustle and bustle of the city, laid a small settlings. With its beauty, it decorated the whole barren terrain and made it look like heaven. With colorful flowers blooming with happiness, the place had a wonderful flavor in its environment. The place was filled with serenity. Even the noises made by the children and the people blended itself with the nature, sounding harmonious. Each whisper could be heard independently, it was that clear. It was like looking through the crystal ball where you could see and hear everything. This made the place mystical.  

A little away from the crowd, there was a beautiful cottage. It was owned by Miss Angeli that was what everyone called her. She had moved to the place many years ago and had started by being a teacher. She had gained a respectable position in the village. After her arrival, she had managed to change a lot in this small village by bringing the lost happiness and hope in everyone’s life. Now she was on her eighties and was still strong. People found her amazingly cheerful. When she walked on the street, each would greet her and cater help. She had devoted her life to the welfare of the society. But no one new her background and people never cared to ask her. For them she was an angel dropped from the heaven.

As with everything, there was a myth about her life. Some said she was a daughter of god, sent to help; some would say she was a lost child of a god. Everyone had their own version but they were never near to the truth. The truth was as usual far simpler then all the misinterpretation. When she had arrived at the village, she was in her thirties. She was as beautiful as an angle. When she walked on the streets, each passer-by would turn their head to get a glimpse of her beauty. Soon her simplicity attracted many people. She received many marriage proposals but she never accepted them. She did not like hurting others but she had some how restricted herself from involving in a relationship. As the years passed, she stopped receiving proposal. The people respected her choice and never questioned her. Some would interpret her choice by saying a god’s child must stay pure and scared. Though she was respected by many people, she never let any one too close to her. She did not have single friend with whom she would open herself. She lived a life like those of nuns but without taking any oaths or committing her selves to any promises. She was simply what she was. There was no code of conduct to be followed. More interestingly, no one had ever entered her room, except for the little children whom she tutored. When children were queried about her home, they would say things that were as obvious like: “The home is just as simple as she is.” “It’s too normal to be described.” And in reality, it was simple. There was nothing mysterious about her neither about her lifestyle. But as she grew older, people accepted her mysterious life style and got used to it.

But now, after almost fifty years of silence, she had finally decide to speak to the crowd. No one had asked her to do so but she told everyone that she had to tell her story. She said it was the right time. Suddenly after so many years, the lost interest in her lifestyle was rejuvenated. She had planned to talk at the ground of the school. Everyone was invited to it. The garden of the school was cleaned to perfection. The children had all helped to put a big tent under which the talk was to be preceded. The food was served to everyone. It was as if a huge marriage ceremony was being held.

As the time approach for her to speak, the silence started to grow. People were slowly moving towards their chairs. Even the wind had stopped, as if to listen. The place had already gathered a mystical aura. Soon she appeared to everyone’s sight. With her withered hands holding, what seems to be a small diary, she gracefully moved towards the microphone. She had worn a light green sari which matched her personality. Those who had seen her in her youths would say that she had not changed a bit. As she stood in front of everyone, she watched them and slowly smiled. Then she carefully unfolded her diary and started to speak.    

[Image : Took them @ Rampur Chitwan]

Mar 26, 2012

Friendship – a perspective

As I am writing this, I am staying at home simply bored and silent. Only two days left before I depart to Bangalore, I am restless and bored. I look multiple times at my phone book, and simply see no one call, or even if I do I simply decide not to – as I see no point in it. This is when I have this conflicting idea about friendship and what it means to me.

In your life, you come across many people and you spend your certain time with them, which allows you to decide if you would want to continue your acquaintance or not. As you move on, you make different kinds of friends – good friends, bad friends, boring friends, interesting friends and so on.  But as I returned to KTM this time, I was filled with mixed feelings as I was not able to comprehend this relationship of friendship, which was uncomfortably pinching me.

The reason I was simply bored to death to call up anyone was because I felt this urge of responsibility to explain myself to them and justify my actions. As if to say that I was burden with a task to explain myself to the society and wait for their verdict. And if anyone knows too well enough, I hate listening to any such verdict as I don’t consider anyone worthy enough to judge me(and I think this is how everyone should be living).  

This is when I started categorizing friends in my mind and put them into the list of priorities. This is what I came off with.

Cat 1: These are friends I know and have been acquainted at some time. I might have had good experience with them or bad. But I see no point or even slightest urge to even think about them. But I know that some time in my life, I will come across them and even then it would not matter at all.

Cat 2: These are friends that have been good to me and we have had good times together. But now as we have moved along, things have changed and so has our perspective. Hence there is this uncomfortable sense of discomfort in trying to explain ourselves to each other. This leaves me with no option but to simply ignore.

Cat 3: These are new acquaintances and new faces in my life. They have no sense of expectation from me; neither do I have any from them. We are bound by our circumstances and there is no way we can ignore each other. Hence they are my NOW, stumbling ahead learning each day new thing about ourselves. This is my belief that with every new people you meet, you learn something new about yourself.

Cat 4: These are the to-be your new acquaintances. Somehow, I put them in my reserve as I am in no hurry to meet anyone new.  This process of making new friends and being in a phase of unknown land is sometime frustration.

Cat 5: People you wish you would meet. These come between the relationship of friends and siblings. It’s really interesting, because they are not your friends as per say with whom you share everything, but they have a different kind of close relationship which sounds almost like your brother and sister. These are the friends who will remain forever with you because there is no way you can have any kind of misunderstanding with them, nor any fight. They simply are there with whom you can share some ideas and some old times.

Cat 6: Finally I come to my special category of friends. My best friends whom I would wish to be there till the end of me. One of the most important things about being with your best friends is that you can be as honest as you can be. You don’t have to justify to them neither wait for any approval from them. They have complete faith in you and you have in them. You can call them any time for a coffee and they will not ask why and where. They simply know it and when you meet, there is no social pressure to speak or communicate. You can be yourself, be silent, sip a coffee, look out to the world and say bye. Isn’t that what your best friends would be like, whose presence just makes you feel comfortable?  

As I was writing this, I had to break in between and accompany my dad to visit one of my old grand-dad whom he usually takes me to whenever I return home. He says that the grand-dad had helped him during his early struggling times. It was only when we reached his home that he mentioned about the death of the grand-mom whom I never saw, or if I ever did I would not remember well. 

Anyway, when I met the grand-dad, he had traditional local nepali newspaper in his one hand and a large magnifying glass in other hand. He was peering with his weak eyes into the latest political gup-sup. I think this is one of the most common traits of an old Nepalese man, who are continuously aware of every political ups and downs.

There was a sense of satisfaction in his eyes, when he saw my dad. I was on the other hand just an observer. There was a long silence and then the grand dad started to recall the last moments with grand mom and how he still feels that she is some-where up-stairs. As we grow older, we gather much more wisdom and begin to understand life better. At the middle of all this conversation, he mentioned something which really touched me. He said something like this, “I am glad she is gone because if I had gone before her she would have to face a lot of trouble. Now I can leave without any worry.”  These words just remained with me as I was returning home.

I think in this whole perspective of life, you would really feel pain of leaving early and leaving your friends behind. But the other ways also would be a lonely road.

[Image : Took them @ Rampur Chitwan]

Mar 23, 2012

Darn this heart, never falls in love.

Darn this heart,
never falls in love.
Only comprehends,
and skips its job.
Oh heart, why
don't u fall in love.
Rather than just
run and hide in the dark.
Darn this heart,
never falls in love.


[Photo Location : Rampur, Chitwan]

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